Right now, I am in a rut. It’s a familiar place. I recognize it fairly well. Wake up, get the kids doing their thing. Then I sit. Sit and think about all the things I should be doing. Things like cleaning the house, planning future meals, projects and orders for my business, as well as what I need to be doing to move my business forward. However, all I can do right now is just sit and stare out the window at life passing by. I know this should be a dilemma for me, but at this moment, I don’t see it that way.
I am lucky in the sense that MY schedule is almost completely open. What I do on a daily basis revolves around my kids’ schedules. This includes school, homework, extracurricular activities, and hobbies. My son sincerely enjoys reading, drawing, and playing video games. He is extremely persistent on being independent in that regard. My daughter, on the other hand, LOVES to play barbies, playdoh, paint… all of which I am required to participate in. All of which I don’t have a problem doing.
In my last blog, I wrote about how there will ALWAYS be bad days as a single parent. There are days where I don’t go to bed until 1:00 am simply because I cannot sleep. Other days, it’s around 8:45 pm after I put the kids to bed, simply because I am completely exhausted. Regardless of what time I go to bed, I’m usually wide awake by 4:00 am. There’s a switch that turns on in my head that says, “it’s time to wake up and be productive!” I have days where I wake up just to exist. Exist because there are two little kids in my house that require me to be there. They rely on me to make sure they have what they need for the day to be successful. Many days, I feel that it takes damn near everything for me just to be that adult under the roof. The monotony of the daily routines makes me feel like a zombie.
When I have days like this, (especially multiple days in a row), it is very important for me to always talk to my close friends. I have it ingrained in my head that I will never fail my children. I will continue to always place their needs above my own. I also know that when something is not right on my end that I need to reach out. I have come to learn that basic adult interaction is completely necessary for me to make it through the days that I find myself not wanting to do anything. When I do this, we just have general conversation. Adult conversations that I just cannot get from talking to my 5-year-old, or 8-year-old. Every. Single. Day. My conversations don’t even have to be about me being in a rut. It can be about the day, a project they are working on, or even simply a song they are currently jamming out to. It’s more of a “What are you up to?” rather than a call for help, because honestly, that’s all I need. After I reach out and have that interaction, it’s almost like a recharge of my batteries. It allows me to carry on doing the ADDITIONAL things that I enjoy doing in order to keep my mental health in check.