Remember Suzie Johnson, the girl in high school you were crazy about, but she had a boyfriend? Remember how that boyfriend didn’t treat her right; you knew that if you ever had her, you’d treat her right.
…You looked at him with her… It wasn’t fair.
…He took her for granted...
…He didn’t know how good he had it…
This has been my entire adult life. See; I’ve been a police officer for 26 years - forced to shave that entire time. Unable to grow a beard.
I see you. I see you with your beard. Unkempt. Untrimmed. Uncombed.
Neglected. Exactly like Suzie Johnson from sophomore year.
Just like your sophomore self wanted to tell that guy all the things he was doing to treat (your) girl wrong, I’ve got some advice for you beard owners…
1. Feed your beard. A beard is made of mostly protein and fat. It relies on B-vitamins, and vitamins A & D to thrive. Hazelnuts, walnuts, buckwheat, and barley will support your vitamin B levels. Fatty fish, foods fortified with vitamin D, cheese, and egg yolks, carrots, sweet potatoes, and butternut squash will all help maintain good vitamin A & D levels. A body builder doesn’t eat crap. Neither should a beard builder.
2. Shape your beard to match your face. A beard is like a wild animal… it should be in an environment it is naturally suited for. If you have a fat, round head like a Rottweiler, don’t grow a beard that’s bushy on the cheeks. Squared-off, blocky chin and jawline like Mr. Incredible? Trim shorter on the sides and leave that chin fuller.
3. Grooming – It’s the right thing to do. Learn how and when to trim, invest in a good-quality beard trimmer, and/or find a good barber who can do it for you. Even if you’re planning on growing a super-long Rasputin beard, it’s important to keep it trimmed and shaped during the growing phase. And for Pete’s sake: lose the neck beard and learn how to trim your neckline.
4. Wash that stanky thing. Scrub your beard well several times a week with Manner Beard Shampoo, a specialized beard cleanser. Trapped dead skin cells and food are not only unsightly, but can increase itchiness. Dry your beard gently afterward. Rough toweling can lead to split ends and a frizzy beard.
5. Beard Oil. Use it. Manner Beard Oil & Balm Combo helps to tame course beard hair, tame those wild hairs, and soften the beard for better brushing. And; like your beard, Manner is made in America.
6. Train your beard. Giving your beard a good daily brushing or combing will help train your beard to grow in a downward direction. This is particularly effective if you’re using beard oil and balm in conjunction with your combing. And unless you’re growing a chinstrap (… and please do not grow a chin strap) you’ll want to trim and comb that moustache, too!
The closest I come to growing a beard is the stubble I can muster on a two or three week vacation. But you have it better than me; don’t take it for granted.
I ran in to Suzie Johnston the other day at the grocery store. She was with her husband; a strapping lad with a magnificent beard.